


A Worthy Suitor

by perlhaqr



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-10-01 22:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20421320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perlhaqr/pseuds/perlhaqr
Summary: I'm a big fan of SciFiGrl47's work in the MCU.  While recently re-reading the story this scene is a... fan fiction fan fiction (?) of, I thought of this little bit that made things even funnier, and frankly, "funny" is one of my big drivers.  So, here ya go.  And, uh, my apologies in advance.  ;)  I hope you enjoy it.  :)





	A Worthy Suitor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scifigrl47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scifigrl47/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Diplomatic Relations and Intelligence Failures](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1665326) by [scifigrl47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scifigrl47/pseuds/scifigrl47). 

> Quite a bit of text quoted and slightly modified from the original work at the beginning, to get everyone up to speed on the scene. My apologies, again, if I've ended up quoting too much, or done it in the wrong format. This is my first work, so I'll just be direct and up front about the fact that I'm unfamiliar with the local traditions and conventions on such things. No plagiarism intended, all credit for the opening of this scene goes to scifigrl47, as she wrote the vast majority of it.

“Fine! We'll get the damn cake, it's New York, you can get cake in the middle of the night. Why are you so crazy?” Darcy asked.

"You keep talking, that's why I'm crazy, what else would it be?"

"Thor," Sif said, her eyes dancing, and Jane stabbed a finger in her direction.

"Truer words have never been spoken. Thor, Thor is why I am so crazy," she said, rolling her eyes. "No insult, Sif, but he is a pain in the ass sometimes, really, don't get me wrong, I love him, I do, but-" She ran out of words and grabbed the bottle of vodka that she'd been nursing all evening. She just dumped the rest of it into her glass. "Sometimes I want to strangle him."

Natasha slanted a glance in Darcy's direction, who was already shaking her head. "That bottle had like two inches in it when she started," she said under her breath. "Sometimes Jane just likes to feel like she's more of a baddass than she really is."

"Not all of us can be lushes," Jane told her, already in sustained pout. She tossed back a swallow of booze and promptly started coughing.

"Yeah, some of us are always going to be a cheap date," Darcy said sweetly. "Now that you've killed the bottle, you crazy baddass biker chick, try not to get nail polish on your face."

"You are horrible," Jane told her, her face flushed and her breathing ragged. She slumped back into the couch, her lower lip stuck out in a pout.

“Yeah, I need to get laid,” Darcy said, yawning. "I'm considering finding a nice girl. And by 'nice girl' I mean not at all a nice girl."

"On average, Darce, women are too smart to get involved with you," Jane said, and Darcy decided to let her live, despite the patent unfairness of that statement.

"I'm not looking for average,” she said, arch about it. “I'm looking for 'not male,' and we can go from there."

Sif chuckled. "Have the charms of the men around you worn thin, then?"

"No, it's that once they realize where I live, their balls fall off," Darcy said. She bounced one leg in mid-air, half-heartedly trying to get her nails to dry. She wiggled her toes, checking the finish. "Or even wierder things happen. It's getting to be frustrating."

"How does where you live affect your potential romantic partners?" Sif asked, curious. She finished her pita in a couple of quick bites, managing to look both feminine and also adorable with chipmunk cheeks as she chewed and swallowed. "Let alone their private parts? And what could possibly be stranger than them falling off?"

"It's got nothing to do with where she lives," Jane said before Darcy could even open her mouth. Darcy glared at her, and Jane gave her a smirk. "It's got everything to do with who she lives with."

"Being wary of who she lives with is a sign of good sense, and practicality," Natasha said, pouring herself a shot into a mostly clean glass and stealing one of Darcy's fries. She settled down in the nearest unoccupied chair, idly considering the various nail polish bottles.

"And no girl was ever looking for 'good sense' when she set out to get laid. Hot. Built. Clever with his tongue, sure. But no one has ever sat in a bar going, 'Damn, I bet that guy has good sense,'" Darcy said. Her head rolled back. "'Look at the practicality on that guy. Bet he makes sound decisions all night long.'"

"Stop being tacky," Jane told her, but she was smiling down at her nails. Darcy stuck her tongue out.

"You got laid. Now, if you could please keep your gigantic boytoy out of my love life, that would be great."

Sif's eyes darted between them, consideration clear on her face. "Has Thor caused you consternation?" she asked, her lips turning up.

"No," Jane said, at the same time Darcy said, "Yes!"

Natasha chuckled. "Darcy is adjusting to the nosiness of certain of her housemates."

"Ah," Sif said. Her eyes danced. "So, you are saying that Thor desires that you have a romantic partner who is worthy of you?"

"Thor is a nightmare of a cockblock, that's what I'm saying."

"Thor is very protective of you," Jane chided. She blew lightly on her fingernails, and held them up to the light before she reached for the bottle of nail polish. "I think it's sweet, and you should be nicer to him."

Darcy gave her a look. "You are kidding me, right? You are joking."

Jane's shoulders rose and fell in a smug little shrug, and she looked down the length of her nose at her fingernails. "I'm just saying that he cares about you and your happiness, and that's-"

"Do you know what he did?" Darcy said to Sif, ignoring Jane now, because Jane was clearly crazy. "Do you have any idea what he did?"

"Not at all," Sif said.

"I had a date. A very nice date with a very nice man. We'd met at a bar, we talked for a couple of hours, he bought me a few drinks, walked me to the subway. I asked if he wanted to come with me for a bit of Netflix and chill, and he turned me down in what has to be the sweetest way I've ever been turned down. Said that he'd quite like that, but since we'd both been drinking, it would violate his rule number one, which was that the very first time, we both had to be stone cold sober, to make sure he really had enthusiastic consent. But that if I was free the NEXT evening, well, he'd love to take me to dinner, and then take me up on my Netflix subscription, and anything else that might come up. And then he took my hand and kissed it, and walked away, and when he got a few doors down, he looked back and smiled and waved."

Darcy raised an eyebrow in Sif's direction, "I thought, foolish of me, really, but I thought I could meet him out front. I didn't mention that I lived there, but it's a nice big obvious landmark, and so it'd be easy to find. And when he comes to pick me up, Thor comes down and just stands there, being Thor." She spread her hands. "And when I say, 'comes down?' I do not mean he took the elevator. I mean, he did that crashing to earth thing that he and Stark enjoy doing. The thing that leaves dents in the sidewalk? I bet the city is billing him for that, don't you think?" she asked Natasha.

"I wouldn't try it if I were them, but you're probably right."

"He was just trying to help," Jane said.

"He was wearing the armor, Jane. He was wearing the FULL ARMOR, including that helmet thing of his, the really threatening armor with pointy bits, and the cape, and he had the damn hammer." Darcy slashed at the air with a bright red nail polish brush. "The hammer! Don't tell me that was accidental."

Sif was struggling to keep a straight face, one hand held delicately in front of her mouth. "He means no harm," she said.

Natasha gave a very ladylike little snort. "He means a great deal of harm," she said.

"Of course, it didn't really work out the way Thor was thinking it was going to." Darcy stared at the ceiling. “He had this necklace. I thought it was an anchor. I thought he was into sailing! I didn't even know the Asatruar were a thing!"

"It didn't look anything LIKE Mewnew..." she said, half to herself.

"Oh no," Sif interjected.

"Oh yes," Darcy replied.

*

Darcy's gentleman caller had just found her standing in the plaza outside Avenger's Tower, when there was a tremendous -- one might even use the term "thundering" -- crash behind her, complete with the whiff of ozone on the air. Her date's eyes got big. Really big. Dinner plate big. All the blood seemed to drain from his face. "Not again," Darcy thought to herself. Except, this time, her date didn't so much look terrified as... awestruck.

Thor swaggered up to the two of them, and looked like he was just about to say something when all of a sudden, her latest acquisition clutched at his neck, dragging his necklace out from under his collar, clenching it firmly in his left hand, and went down on one knee and one fist, bowing his head quickly before the God of Thunder.

"My lord," he said, now raising his head to look up at Thor, "I knew of your return, of course, but I never thought I would have the honor of being in your presence myself. Thank you for gracing us with your majesty."

Darcy just stood there, her mouth slightly agape, for once at a loss for words. Though she was amused to note that Thor also seemed somewhat taken aback by this turn of events.

"Ah... rise, friend. Tell me, how are you called?"

Her date stood, facing Thor squarely, and said, "I am called Michael, my lord, though among the brethren, I am known as..." he trailed off, and even under the heavy beard that covered most of his cheeks, it was obvious that he was blushing.

"Yes?" Thor asked, "Go on, man, speak your name."

Michael gave a bit of a cough, clearing his throat. "Well, my lord, you see... it's a very old nickname, because I've always been large, and had this beard even since I was barely out of my youth. So, ah, they call me... um. Thor. They call me Thor. I hope you are not offended, my lord."

Thor laughed, a great big booming sound, that seemed to surround them. "Not at all. Indeed, I am flattered, that so many still remember me after all this time."

Michael (Darcy was NOT going to call him Thor) looked sharply relieved. Her date addressed Thor again. "How may I serve you, my lord?"

Thor looked over at Darcy. "You know our little Darcy, it seems?"

Michael looked a bit bewildered, again. "Wait, YOU know Darcy, my lord?" he said, while looking over at Darcy with a look that seemed to ask "And you didn't SAY anything about this?"

"Indeed, friend Michael. Darcy is the boon companion of my love, Dr. Jane Foster. She lives here, at Avengers Tower, with us."

"That is... really amazing. I must admit that I had not expected that."

"Michael. No. My namesake, Thor. Tell me, would you like to hold my hammer?"

Michael went pale again. Between the blood rushing in and out of his cheeks, and the way he was swaying, Darcy was starting to worry that he was going to pass out, apparently from religious ecstasy.

"You... you would allow me to hold Mjölnir?" Michael was almost stammering in his excitement, "But no. I could not possibly be worthy of such a thing."

"We shall see," Thor replied, taking Mjölnir from where it hung at his side, and placing it gently on the sidewalk between the three of them.

Michael just looked at it. 'Gazed' was probably a better description. 'Gazed lovingly', might be an even better one. And then, he looked at his own hands, taking a deep breath in, and letting it out slowly. "Thank you, my lord," he said.

And then he bent his knees, reached down, grasped the haft with both hands... and lifted Mjölnir like it was just a really big hammer.

Michael was still enraptured with the mighty weapon, now holding it with just his right hand, as he ran the fingertips of the left over the head reverently, but Darcy could see that now it was Thor's turn to have his eyes bug nearly out of his head. He recovered fairly quickly, but it had still been quite obvious that he hadn't been expecting that to happen. Michael had a grin on his face a mile wide as he stared down at the hammer, and then looked up at Thor again. "Thank you for this, my lord. I will never forget it." He knelt once again, on one knee, but this time with the head on one palm, and the haft turned upwards, offering it to Thor as a squire might have held his knight's sword out in the Middle Ages.

Thor took it from him, looking down at it almost as if he'd never seen it before. Michael stood again, and Thor looked at him. "Thor," Thor said, "you will take good care of our Darcy this evening?"

"Of course, my lord. I will return her safe and unharmed."

"Excellent, friend Thor. I will leave her in your care, then." And with that, Thor (the original one) flew up and off into the sky.

Darcy turned away from watching Thor take off to find Michael looking at her incredulously. "How... how did that NOT COME UP when we talked for hours last night?!"

"I try to not make a big thing out of it," she replied.

Her date sputtered. "But... but... aaaagh! Thor! That was Thor! I... I held Mjölnir! You... you even said you liked my necklace, last night!"

"You have to admit, it doesn't really look very much like the one he's carrying around."

He stared at her like she'd said something incomprehensible. And then, all of a sudden, he laughed. "No. I suppose it doesn't. Maybe I'll have to make a new one, after this." He shook his head, wonderingly. "Shall we go get something to eat? All of a sudden, I'm really hungry." He grinned like a little kid.

*

"So, yeah. I don't think that turned out quite how Thor was expecting it to go. It was a nice dinner, but... Gah! Meddling. He's MEDDLING. Hmph." Darcy finished her story.

"But, presumably you can be well assured that Thor does approve of this one?" Sif asked.

"Yeah, but... while it was a nice dinner, we spent the whole time talking about the Avengers! And then, when we got back to the tower, he looked at it like... it was a temple, or something. And while he did give me a rather nice goodnight kiss, I STILL didn't get my Netflix and chill session."

"Ugh. Anyway, I just... didn't want it to be a THING, and then it was totally a THING, and... let's go to a club and try to pick up girls," Darcy said. "My point is that I am never going to get another male date again. Not as long as I live in this hive of heroism and virtue."


End file.
